she woke up with a sticky ear
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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