Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
