you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
