i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
