All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
