Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
