he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
