Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
