Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
