just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
