Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
