found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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