omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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