We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize