I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
