Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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