How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
