My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
