This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
