I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
