i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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