I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
