The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
