BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
