no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
