i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
