those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
