I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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