I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
