Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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