living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
