hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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