I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize