that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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