Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
