Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sobbing to NWA
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
