the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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