Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
