Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
