thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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