I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
