it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
