is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
