just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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