You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
