I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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