just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
