But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
