Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
