this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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