we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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