it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
