My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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