We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
