He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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