I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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