i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I've blown a few things in my day
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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