I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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