I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
