need another drink. this is the easiest way
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
