Please, let me fuck your mom
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
