Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
