Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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