I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize