all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
