Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Randomize
