i came on her dog
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
