they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
