dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize